Stages of Grief, Suffering, Mental Illness: Rick & Kay Warren's Interview with Piers Morgan

Two of the larger pastoral concerns I have over the next 20 years relate to premarital cohabitation and mental illness - the former for its pervasiveness and 'acceptability' and the latter because of its complexity and silent devastation. Caring for someone with mental illness in any degree requires a remarkable amount of prayer, love, patience, and discernment.

Earlier this year, Rick Warren, lead pastor of Saddleback Church in California, and his wife Kay lost their adult son Matthew to suicide after a long bout with mental illness and depression, as well as exhaustive attempts at treatment.

In their first interview since Matthew's death, Rick and Kay lay out some courageous truths in how they are wrestling with God in the arena of faith and hope. For any of us struggling with suffering or whose lives intersect with mental illness in some way (I think I just covered everyone), here is a snippet of the interview which you can view, but I would highly recommend reading these long excerpts of the interview.

Here are a few lines I found particular helpful and inspiring:
1. The six stages of grief (as opposed to four)
2. "I wrote in my journal one day...'I'd rather have all my questions unanswered and walk with God than have all my questions answered.'" It's the same dilemma of the Garden and tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Better to know God than everything else there is to know - but this is a choice.
3. On the stigma of mental illness. This is so true and makes me, equally, so deeply sympathetic to those who struggle with some degree of mental illness: 

Piers, any other organ in my body can get broken and there’s no shame, no stigma to it. My liver stops working, my heart stops working, my lungs stop working. Well, I’ll just say, “Hey, I got diabetes. My pancreas or my adrenaline glands, or whatever,” but if my brain is broken, I’m supposed to feel bad about it. I’m supposed to feel shame. And so, a lot of people who should get help don’t.

Lord Jesus, we love you and in our helplessness we ask that You would please help us truly "be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. [5] For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." (II Corinthians 1:4-5 ESV)

Why do we say: "God told me"?

A very helpful article by Nancy Guthrie on the motives behind this phrase and some elaboration on how we can have consistent confidence that we are hearing from him.

Three broad points in response:

1. Prioritizing difference over depth. 
Nancy Guthrie rightly reminds us of a common experience of thinking how various characters in the Bible heard from God and wanting likewise for our own relationship with Him (even though such speaking were part and parcel of God's special outworking of His grander salvation plan across history). She notes that this is often because "many of us want something more, something different." That's a important point worth expanding. As Christians we must recognize we live in a world addicted to prioritizing difference. What's new (and thus different) is automatically assumed to be better, improved, and thus desired. New technology, new ways of learning, new diets that will finally make us feel/look different, new philosophies of parenting, even God doing a "new thing" to use the oft-quoted Isaiah 43:19 (whereas, as Pastor Bill Mills points out, if God does have a plan then He is actually doing old things and working them out in time - indeed there is very little that's truly new...and not heresy). New can be very good - indeed God often calls us as a church to do old things with new 'clothing.' However, it is important to recognize our cultural propensity to idolize the new and different and how that might greatly influence how we would prefer to relate to God. Such that experiencing God to feel something different becomes a higher priority than relating to God to grow something deeper. This is an encouragement to prioritize going to the Scriptures primarily for hearing from God and for growth - indeed He promises growth only here (Isaiah 55:10-11 - note the focus on growth imagery).

2. I only partially agree with Guthrie's assessment on hearing from God. I had never before considered that nowhere in Scripture do we see God speaking to His people through an inaudible voice - and Nancy is right to point this out especially as such are the terms by which hearing from God is most often couched (eg., "I sense God is saying to me/us"). However, I do think God speaks through people brief messages that are not directly, word-for-word, from Scripture (1 Cor. 12:8-10) but are always reflective of Scripture and are often saturated with Scripture. And so we hear Paul say in the same breath: "

[19] Do not quench the Spirit. [20] Do not despise prophecies, [21] but test everything; hold fast what is good (1 Thessalonians 5:19-21).

Listen and consider but also weigh. Weigh by not only asking: "Does this contradict the Bible?" but more and more so: "Do I hear the Bible in this?"

3. The Most trusted 'prophets' are ones steeped and saturated in the Word of God.

I served in a local church that regularly practiced the use of prophetic giftings and was, at times, blessed by the use of this gift. In my experience, there were only a handful people in the church whose impressions or words consistently applied to my life and/or edified me as a Christian. In each case (and I have saved those words given to me as they were written down), each person was someone I knew to be steeped and saturated in the Word of God. That doesn't mean others didn't "hear from God" occasionally but those experiences were all-over-the-map and seemed to reflect, by-and-large, a lack of regular submission to the Word of God. I once observed in a small group setting someone giving a 'picture' involving a fire hydrant, a red-wagon, and a dalmatian. The impression given was bizarre and uncomfortable - and you can imagine the reaction of the person to whom it was given (they never returned to the small group...and likely never bought a dalmatian). Yet the person kept on going with such 'pictures,' impressions, and 'words.' 

When someone continues to claim to be hearing from God but seems to be slightly (or greatly) missing the mark as they express it, an often overlooked argument from Paul seems applicable:

[36] Or was it from you that the word of God came? Or are you the only ones it has reached? [37] If anyone thinks that he is a prophet, or spiritual, he should acknowledge that the things I am writing to you are a command of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 14:36-37 ESV)

Someone who claims to semi-regularly "hear from God" will quickly recognize the commandments of the Lord because he or she is steeped in reading, meditating, and cherishing God's Words to them in His Scriptures. You can envision the likely circumstance to which Paul is writing. "I think God is telling me this." Paul: "Really? Good thing you don't have a monopoly on what God is saying. Let's look at the commands of the Lord found in the Scriptures and compare." Not only should any potentially "from God" statements not contradict the Bible, my opinion is that they will more often than not be very reflective of it and in some case even mirror it (containing the very statements/verses of God's Word).

Consider for a moment how one nourishes & grows their spiritual gift: Those I know who are gifted in mercy usually look to the cross of Jesus for mercy and are touched by the mercy of Jesus' ministry. Those like myself who sense God's gifting in teaching, usually are fed by the teaching ministry of others - listening to good sermons of other pastors, etc. Those who are gifted in leading, are good sheep being led by the great Shepherd (1 Corinthians 11:1). Those gifted in making people feel comfortable through hospitality, themselves derive comfort from the ongoing presence of God and so abide in the Vine (John 15:5). In other words, that which God has given you to serve and feed others, you yourself tend to be nourished with from God Himself. Similarly, a dear believer who senses the Spirit does want to speak profitable words through them is himself nourished by the Word of God. Not surprisingly then, in my experience, I haven't found someone whose words consistently speak to me and stir my soul who is not also someone I know to be steeped and saturated in the Word of God.

I should also note: I know I'm much more likely to even trust someone's wise counsel who is steeped in God's Word but doesn't necessarily claim to be having a supernatural experience of "I think God is telling me/us." Their lives, however, are so saturated with God's Word that the outworking of how they live and make plans is wise, profitable, and brings great glory to Christ Jesus.

Two points of potential application:
1. If you want to be someone who hears from God or believe God has given you some degree of prophetic gifting, steep and saturate yourself in the Word of God. Here alone will you find the nourishment needed the grow in depth as opposed to difference. Through feeding on the Word you can consistently step out in faith and with confidence for wise decisions that bring great glory to Jesus.

2. When someone says: "I think (a) I might be hearing from God; (b) I have a 'word' from God; (c) God may be trying to tell us something," it is okay and even recommended to ask: Is this someone I know to be regularly steeped and saturated in the Word of God? Not that God doesn't occasionally speak through a donkey (Numbers 22:28), but that donkey is normally going to speak like...well...a donkey.

A Teenager's Sermon Notes - Mark 1:1-13

Sunday proved once again to be the best day of the week. In large part because our humble church packed up a Nature Valley Bar, grabbed a Gatorade (or Vitamin Water...or Green tea??) and embarked on what will be a glorious trek through the Gospel of Mark investigating the life of Jesus. 

Back by popular readership (or viewership), here is a second straight week of a Teenager's sermon notes. 

Highlights for me personally include:
(a) A valiant attempt to depict two amorphous entities - Jello and the Holy Spirit. I thought about poking some fun at the old Adam West Batman looking "Ka-pow"-shaped attempt at the Holy Spirit - but, let's be fair, as a Spirit He's really hard to draw. I've seen some lame attempts too - mostly centered around clouds and leaves rustling to symbolize wind;  

(b) The perfect balance of drawing Jesus as THE man with impressive muscular tone -  versus going Super-Man over-the-top muscular. Impressive because my point in the message was that Jesus did not defeat Satan's desert temptations as some sort of laser-shootin' superman. But neither must he resemble Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. 

A Teenager's Sermon Notes

Had opportunity yesterday to preach on Isaiah 58 & a paradox walking with Jesus of Receiving Through Giving. In case you don't want to bother listening, one teenager gave me permission to share the notes she took.

That pretty much sums it up!

Sun Follow-up - Ben Edwards: A Financial World Example of Work that Lasts & Lasting at Work

Yesterday we explored how Christ's final three words "It is finished" can help us both do work that lasts & last at our work. 

At Sunrise we are blessed with a number of amazingly hard workers in the financial sector. One man's story that might encourage you is Ben Edwards, former CEO of the former securities brokerage company, A.G. Edwards, which was based out of St. Louis and bought out by Wachovia in 2009. 

He did so well, he bought a sword.

I've read up a bit on this bloke. He felt free to take calculated risks in the securities realm because of His security in Christ. Including: (1) Being among the first brokerage firms to go public - in Nov 1971, offering 445,000 shares at $12 per share. But, despite being among the first, he didn't cave in the slightest to shareholder pressures and demands but rather (2) Kept to his established, golden rule of "do unto others" in the financial sector - putting clients first, employees second, and shareholders would glean any benefits left over. 

He lasted at his work staying - happily staying involved with the firm till he died in 2009.

Here's one of the better articles on him, including some lessons we can learn to do better & more lasting work to the glory of God.

Mud: A good movie for Men & Boys

I admit I'm partial to movies about boys growing up in the American South. In part, because it constituted most of my upbringing before my big 90210 move to Southern California that made me the pre-madonna I am today. 

The movie Mud (2013, PG-13, 130 mins, now out on DVD and stars Matthew McConaughey and Reese Witherspoon) is such a movie based in the American South and explores the ability of men to continue to hope in enduring love versus the alternative of hardening to it. Here's a fuller review and summary from a Christian point-of-view, I just want to mention 3 things that make this movie worth taking in - especially if you are a man and even more especially if you are a man with boys who are 13+. It is PG-13 so that should be fair warning about violence, language, etc.

1. Rural men who are not characterized by being tough & grizzled. This doesn't mean the four key men in the story (Mud, the boy, the father, the sniper) aren't these qualities to some extent - but it's not what characterizes them. In fact, writer/director Jeff Nichols does a brilliant job of characterizing these men primarily by love or, at least, their hope in love without making it come across as effeminate in the eyes of the typical male viewer. This is very refreshing and provides a visual, albeit imperfect (this is still Hollywood), for men in their 20s and 30s as well as boys for the expression of a robust and masculine love. 

2. Rural people who are not characterized by the hypocrisy or emptiness of religion/the church. Every line of Psalm 136 includes the refrain: "His steadfast love endures forever." This movie explores whether or not men can believe this even though their is no meaningful mention of "God" in the film (with the exception of one brutal man who asks his henchmen to pray for the death of man who killed his boy - but he's set apart by Nichols so explicitly as anti-God that his request is almost comical and not a significant commentary on rural religion). But the absence of a meaningful God-mention is refreshing - and I know it sounds strange for a pastor to say this. However, in these movies Southern and rural religion tends to have a role - and that role is typically destructive. Nichols avoids it altogether allowing the symbolism at the movie's final scene to stand out and can cause one to think on God's enduring love without us having to wonder: "Oh yeah, but remember from the earlier church/preacher scene that the writer/director is anti-church, anti-religion, anti-God." 

3. The final scene. Disclaimer: I won't give away anything of the plot in saying this. The movie makes a bold statement that despite years of heartache and disappointment with love, men can still hope that they are loved and have the ability to love. Men can be more than just responsible and hardworking as their highest potential. How? Through the large and small sacrifices of others and the sacrifice a man makes in response. Such that the movie ends how it does - with hope and a sunrise all brought about by sacrifice. All of which should remind us of THE Man who sacrificed it all that we might forever know we are loved.

Give it a watch. Would love to hear what you think.

Sunday Follow-Up: The Lingering ? about Abundance

Sunday we looked at a 2nd Paradox of Christian Living Abundance through Monogamy. Most people try to add to their life by seeking out and accumulating individual additions - be they pleasures/comforts, things, friends, security, power. One at a time so that they might eventually have a life of "abundance." Jesus flips this notion on its head - monogamy (a commitment to ONE above all others and for a lifetime) leads to abundance. So instead of "out of many, one" (E Pluribus Unum), "out of one, many" (do your own Latin!!). Jesus wasn't thinking of the U.S. motto, so here's how he put it:

[22] And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. [23] For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. [24] Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! [25] And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [26] If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? [27] Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [28] But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! [29] And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. [30] For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. [31] Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. [32] “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.  (Luke 12:22-32 ESV)

Seek one King, one kingdom above all and God will graciously provide. Theo-monogamy leads to poly-provision. Faithfulness in seeking One lifelong God (theo-monogamy) leads to superabundance of provision (poly-provision). Here it is, Jesus promises.


I wrapped up Sun's message without getting to the last part of my notes - a lingering question that often comes up when talking abundance and God's promises. Namely: 

Okay, if I do seek God, how does God promise to bless me? And please give specifics.

Some examples. (1) People will point to Old Testament examples of God's material blessing upon those who seek His interests and not their own. King Solomon is a great example and one I used this past Sunday. He sought God and His Kingdom until he eventually wants to worship God in his own way (1 Kings 3:3-4) which leads to Solomon trying to juggle the interests of two kingdoms - His kingdom + God's (1 Kings 3:1-2, 1 Kings 10:8) which leads to theo-polygamy (1 Kings 11:4-5). But when he was seeking God, God blessed him with riches & wisdom beyond compare (1 Kings 3:13). (2) Psalm 37:4 is a famous one often followed by mentally listing everything I desire; (3) John 10:10 is sometimes quoted when a person has obtained extra favor, pleasure or riches. 

In my still relatively brief experience as a pastor, I rarely find that someone just brings up this question upon reading the Bible for himself or herself nor does it come up out-of-the-blue from the new Christian. But rather, a preacher, teacher, author of some kind presents the possibility and then stirs it up in his/her audience (I've talked about the danger of this "Word of Faith" teaching elsewhere). Why not?  Because the one who realizes that a Holy God has forgiven, accepted and declared righteous someone like me (a rebel against God ill-deserving of even a glance in my direction) and at the cost of His Son, does not demand specifics but is grateful for acceptance.

Look again at the end of Jesus' promise about monogamous seeking. Having given the promise of "adding all these things unto you," he says: "Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom" (Luke 12:32).  Isn't this interesting? Put yourself there. You can imagine some of the disciples and others listening in thinking: "Uh, dude that is not what we are worried about or fear. We are worried about getting 'all these things added to us'...what about the 'all these things'?" But Jesus is speaking to those who get it (which, by the way, is the main purpose of his parables - to separate those who get it from those who don't). He is speaking to those who recognize they are unworthy rebels but still want the gift of the King and who, upon getting the king, care only about the Father's pleasure. When the King becomes your #1 thing, your singular worry becomes your status in the Kingdom and with the King himself. Will he grant me forgiveness when I stumble? Will he accept me though I wander? Will He grant me fellowship before His throne though I served him less than wholeheartedly or acted with less than full faith? To this Jesus gives His answer: It's to the Father's good pleasure to give. He's constantly teetering on favoring you with His presence, His fellowship, His Holy Spirit - such that even faith the size of mustard seed will tip the scales in your favor.

Here's a challenge: Go back and look through the New Testament promises of Jesus, Paul, Peter, John, and the other apostles and writers. Might they be read in light of God giving himself to us in Jesus Christ rather than another "thing"? The peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7) - is it a necessarily feeling where all anxiety melts away or is it centrally located in Christ being our peace ensuring fellowship with God the Father? When Jesus promises abundant life (John 10:10), is He himself not the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). When I delight myself in the Lord, isn't it possible, even likely, that He Himself becomes the desire of my heart? As 18th c. poet Alexander Pope once said: "One master passion in the breast / like Aaron's serpent swallows up the rest."

Right now on my bathroom mirror hangs an old, smudgy notecard with the following words of Jesus upon leaving his disciples: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives; do not let your hearts be troubled, do not be afraid" (John 14:27). The truth that Jesus doesn't give peace or comfort as the world gives - does that trouble you or is it your antidote to fear and trouble? How you answer that question is likely a good indicator of whose Kingdom you are seeking. Jesus gives us Himself and the very Kingdom of the Father. He may give you more but he won't give you less - and that is a comforting thought.

Freedom Run Wild & Abundant Pleasures...mmm...YES, PLEASE!

On Sunday mornings under the Big Top we have been examining the Paradoxes of the Christian Life. God wants to give us all manner of graces but the way we access such grace is the opposite of what we'd expect (or want !!). Last Sunday's Paradox: Freedom through Slavery and this Sunday's will be Abundance through Monogamy. 

I ran across some of G.K. Chesterton's writings on the subject in his classic work Orthodoxy. Chesterton, like C.S. Lewis after him, had a wonderful way of putting things, especially big biblical truths. He beautifully summarizes both how total sold-out-ness (slavery) to the rule and order of a good God leads to freedom and how monogamy leads to the most abundant of pleasures.

The more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.

Chesterton goes on to use the example of sex:

I could never mix in the common murmur of that rising generation against monogamy, because no restriction on sex seemed so odd and unexpected as sex itself...Keeping to one woman is a small price to pay so much as seeing one woman. To complain that I could only be married once was like complaining that I had only been born once. It was incommensurable with the terrible excitement of which one was talking. It showed, not an exaggerated sensibility to sex, but a curious insensibility to it. A man is a fool who complains he cannot enter Eden by five gates at once. Polygamy is a lack of the realization of sex; it is like a man plucking five pears in mere absence of mind.

One of the great difficulties of the Christian life is warding off the deception that the only way you are truly going to get personal freedom and get abundance of pleasure is to go out and get it yourself (e.g., making more $ to have more personal choices, climbing the ladder to get more personal time off, etc. and seeking multiple partners, multiple purchases, multiple social circles, multiple "good time activities" as primary means to personal pleasure).

Accordingly, I pray Chesterton helps you today: Submission to God's rule allows freedom to run wild & monogamy in marriage keeps us ever-sensitive and enjoying the truly strange and mysterious (and quite pleasurable!) gift of sex. 

Keeping a Look-Out this Year

Hey, he was cool during the Age of Exploration!

Having finished up First John and packing my bags for a three week holiday in the States, I reflected on what God taught me most from that letter at the very back of the Bible - namely, that God is growing me less from understanding and analyzing myself and far more from looking outward to Jesus. For every look at my sin, five more times at my Savior; for every analytical moment, two more looks outward to His atonement; for every inward shame, a re-focus on Him who bore my blame. Okay...that counts as hopelessly cheesy use of rhyme but you are far more likely to remember cheesiness so ... WORTH IT! 

What stands out for me is the middle of 1st John, where 5x in 5 verses we can note visual verbosity: 

[28] And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming. [29] If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him.

[3:1] See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. [2] Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. [3] And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. (1 John 2:28-3:3 ESV)

None of this should be confused with
Double-A minor league baseball team:
The Chattanooga Look-Outs

On that note, I've been reading a morning and evening devotional from one of my heroes of the faith - Charles Spurgeon (19th c, Metropolitan Tabernacle Church in London, "Prince of Preachers"). I leave you with a devotion of his I read the other morning that puts what's rumbling round inside of me far better than I could. See you in August:






Looking to Jesus
Hebrews 12:2

It is always the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus. But Satan's work is just the opposite; he is constantly trying to make us look at ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you do not have the joy of His children; you have such a wavering hold on Jesus." All these thoughts are about self, and we will never find comfort and assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: He tells us that we are nothing, but that Christ is everything. 

Remember, therefore, it is not your hold of Christ that saves you - it is Christ; it is not your joy in Christ that saves you - it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, although that is the instrument - it is Christ's blood and merits. Therefore, do not look so much to your hand with which you are grasping Christ as to Christ; do not look to your hope, but to Jesus, the source of your hope; do not look to your faith, but to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of your faith. We will never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our deeds, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul.

If we are to overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking to Jesus." Keep your eye simply on Him; let His death, His sufferings, His merits, His glories, His intercession be fresh upon your mind. When you waken in the morning look to Him; when you lie down at night look to Him. Do not let your hopes or fears come between you and Jesus; follow hard after Him, and He will never fail you.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

The Curse of Passivity

Last night my boys and I were reading in bed about God's selection of David to succeed Saul as King of Israel. As the moral of the selection story is that God looks not at outward appearance but the content of one's heart  (1 Samuel 16:7), we prayed that God would give us a heart for God like David...when my oldest son Mason interrupted my prayer himself praying: "Except for his later heart when he has that guy killed in battle." We laughed and then prayed that. Mason was right though. While David was forgiven and restored by God, his heart was never quite the same after adultery with Bathsheba, killing her husband Uriah, and subsequently losing a child. He grew passive. He allowed his sons like Absalom to first drift, then rebel, and then only casually restore them when they repent (he tells Absalom, who kills his brother & David's son out of revenge: You can return to Jerusalem but don't drop by my [your father's] house...what?!!! - See 2 Samuel 15:24). In large part because he was neither confronted directly nor restored by his dad the king, Absalom returns to rebellion by trying to take his dad's throne. Passivity curses.

The curse of David's passive leadership. David teaches us so much with regard to a singular love and passion for God, patient trust in His promises, and even integrity. But at the very end of his life, we are taught through a negative example of his leadership passivity: In the midst of charging and blessing his son Solomon, he inadvertently curses him - by laying upon him a burden that should've been his own. Here's David to his son:

(1 Kings 2:5-9 ESV) 

[5] “Moreover, you also know what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, how he dealt with the two commanders of the armies of Israel, Abner the son of Ner, and Amasa the son of Jether, whom he killed, avenging in time of peace for blood that had been shed in war, and putting the blood of war on the belt around his waist and on the sandals on his feet. [6] Act therefore according to your wisdom, but do not let his gray head go down to Sheol in peace. [7] But deal loyally with the sons of Barzillai the Gileadite, and let them be among those who eat at your table, for with such loyalty they met me when I fled from Absalom your brother. [8] And there is also with you Shimei the son of Gera, the Benjaminite from Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse on the day when I went to Mahanaim. But when he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the LORD, saying, ‘I will not put you to death with the sword.’ [9] Now therefore do not hold him guiltless, for you are a wise man. You will know what you ought to do to him, and you shall bring his gray head down with blood to Sheol.”

Shimei had cursed David in one David's lowest moments - temporarily leaving his throne and on his way out of Jerusalem riding a donkey (1 Samuel 16:9-14). David essentially forgave Shimei and made to him what was perhaps a rash promise - but, even if not, one that should have extended beyond his life. Clearly David had forgiven but not forgotten - evidence that he had not, in fact, forgiven. More egregious was his command (or, worse, strong insinuation) to Solomon to not let Joab's "gray head go down Sheol in peace" (v.6). Joab was a largely faithful and certainly longstanding commander of David's military. But David constantly let Joab off the hook for egregious acts of aggression, most of which violated the king's direct order. BUT Joab was good at what he did - so David largely let it go - at least until this day when he would saddle Israel's next leader with the role of "bad cop." 

The reality of your leadership & temptation to passive. Everybody leads somebody or, at least, should be. Such leadership might be in a church, a workplace, a family, or in your community. Somebody looks up to you and responds to your example (sometimes by avoiding doing what you do or imitating what yo do). It is becoming increasingly tempting in our day and age to lead passively - to be the laid-back leader, the no worries pace-setter, the fun friend who happens to also be your parent, boss, project manager, pastor, teacher. But what happens when you're gone - either temporarily or permanently? Can the person you've lead replace you? Have you been sufficiently intentional with them now to set them up for success later? Is the legacy you leave going to be a clean slate with only the treasures of your good counsel, patient 'training' and humble example framing an otherwise fresh start? 

Objection: What about Let Go & Let God? I just met with a dear friend who lamented that they too often try to intervene and control a situation rather than allow God to work. That is a legitimate problem in any form of leadership - you want them to 'get it,' you want them to grow, or, a bit less healthily/OCD, you want them to perform a function in a certain way. Patience is required. But there is an alternative to the two extremes of either Let Go/Let God or GoGoGo/Get'erDone. Namely: Trust God AND Dig In. Let God and Let God implies that we are to no longer concern ourselves with something important until God acts. But that is now how the Bible conceives of trust. Biblical trust is (a) going to God with the concern and constantly entrusting Him with it in prayer. Hence the parable of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8). Prayer is envisioned as God doing the change while we struggle (Colossians 4:12). More important to God than security or military guards to watch over His people was armies of hard laborers in prayer (check out Isaiah 62:6-7). Biblical trust is (b) patiently keep doing what you are doing as you trust God is at work both in you and behind-the-scenes. Hence: Paul keeps working to see people grow in Christ though understanding the ability to work is only because God is at work (Colossians 1:28-29); the believer keeps working at growing but God does all the heavy lifting (Philippians 2:12-13); there is a rest you can only find in continuing to work (Matthew 11:28-30) - but the difference, as highlighted by Jesus in these last verses, is you have someone sharing the yoke and doing the work with you. Your co-worker happens to be the resurrected God of the universe, Jesus Christ. Similarly, when you struggle and labor in prayer, the idea is that you get God, who becomes a Refuge and a Rest in a way that simply "letting go" or getting it out of your mind never can or will be.

Signs you might be drifting toward passivity & what you can do about it. 
1. You have not given away a vision. David possessed a singular mission & vision for his life, which I think is best expressed in Psalm 27:4: "One thing I ask of the LORD / this is what I seek / to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life / to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord / and to seek Him in his temple." While David demonstrates such a singular passion and trust to those who fought with and for him (see 2 Samuel 23:16-17; 1 Samuel 24:3-7), such instruction and example is wholly absent in interacting with those over whom he had the most influence - his children. We have a family mission: "To make disciples who grow by grace in becoming mature in Christ." Accordingly, Katie and I take any opportunity to show our kids every gift of grace comes from above (James 1:16-17), we are totally dependent on God working to save us and others (Romans 9:16), it is returning to the cross daily that strengthens us (Hebrews 12:2-3) and helps us become more loving (Luke 7:47). Frankly, this happens a lot by responding well to sin - which we do a lot! (I am a professional sinner and amateur pastor). Katie and I demonstrating forgiveness of one another in front of our children, asking our children for forgiveness when we are unnecessarily harsh toward them or, in other cases, not harsh enough (let disobedience go unpunished out of our own laziness), giving God credit as much as possible, helping them see the importance of hard work and discipline as a response to God's grace not in order to earn it, giving to others as a family in recognition of His gift toward us are ways we intentionally impressing a godly vision upon our 'replacements.' What about you? What's your mission and vision? How are you passing this on?  As a recent guest preacher reminded our people: When the Bible talks about "drifting," it is always toward disobedience and never toward God. Intentionally give away a God-sized vision.

2. When those closest come calling, you sigh, gripe and roll. When those closest to us (you know the kind who are so close and familiar that your rep won't be ruined if you don't respond angelically) come asking for something, seeking help or guidance, reach out for a listening ear, you find yourself rolling your eyes a bit more at the Caller ID, sighing at their voice from far away, or respond a bit abruptly to their needs - this is a sign that you've stopped caring to lead them well. It's so strange: But haven't you found that those with whom you're closest often get your 'scraps' at the end of the day or in a less pressurized moments? This defies logic, especially considering it is these upon whom you will have the greatest long-term influence (probably not that client, nor fitness instructor, nor little Jimmy's teacher). As highlighted above, David was ready for work-life and gave his best to it. He was likewise ready for church-life - he even wrote a good portion of the Bible's songbook. But was he too preoccupied on his walk home with success in these areas to consider: How is Joab really doing in loving God? If I've really forgiven others, why the bitterness inside? Am I really ready to minister to my family? If you are like me and at some point during the day travel back to those with whom you are closest (home, restaurant, gym, etc.): Use that time in the car or on your bicycle to ask God to refresh you, forgive you, renew you, get your mind and heart right so you can minister and lead well. When you arrive, God will have you ready to listen to problems, ask good questions, draw out desires & goals, and help them both plan and work toward greatness.

3. People soon suffer in your absence. You see the writing on the wall. "The quality of work will suffer a bit and these people will miss me when I'm gone." And too often we secretly envision this as a sign of our worth and contribution - but really it's the failure of passive leadership. David thinks he sets up Solomon for success by getting all the materials together to build a temple to God (1 Chronicles 29:1-2). But he saddles Solomon with the immediate problems of a renegade military commander whose personality is too large and decision-making unsound because both have gone unchecked and a father's last wish to exact justice where he failed to finalize forgiveness. In his classic work Spiritual Leadership, Oswald Sanders notes: "The true test of a person's leadership is the health of the organization when the organizer is gone." Would your absence leave: A vacuum in volunteering? Other potential servants paralyzed to step up? Family members ill-prepared to carry on with even a 'routine' emergency (ie. sickness, cancelled flight, last-minute project sprung upon you by your boss)? I know I need to be better trained in making at least 3-4 gluten-free meals for our kids which don't require a grill in Katie's absence while I need to show Katie how to access important financial documents and information in my absence. Perhaps a good starting point is: Should something happen to me, have I prepared someone to step in? If not, who should I ask? Approach them: "I may not always be around. Can I show you what I do?" Such an approach is an extension of the Apostle Paul's approach to training: "Follow me as I follow the example of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1).

An Example of the Blessing of Active Leadership. Most people have heard the story of Isaac Newton's discovery of the law of gravity after observing the fall of an apple. What few people know is that is that Edmund Halley, the astronomer who discovered Halley's Comet, provided for a young Newton the kind of active leadership that set him up for success and greatness. Halley didn't go the laid-back route of offering his pupil a couple encouraging words and lots of 'space' (so he could set about his own research on that comet). In fact, Halley challenged Newton to think through his original notions. He corrected Newton's mathematical errors and prepared geometrical figures to support his work. Not only did he encourage Newton to write his groundbreaking work: Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy, but Halley edited the work, supervised its publication, and financed its printing, even though Newton was wealthier and could much more easily afford the printing costs. Halley gave away vision, stuck with encouraging and patiently challenging Newton when Isaac wanted to give up (versus sigh, gripe, and roll), and left behind a far larger legacy in his absence - namely, Newton & his work on gravity - than in his presence. A truly great leader!