Helping the Helper - Make sure Caregivers are well Cared for

A woman approached me on Sunday about visiting her rapidly ailing father. I asked about him, but she quickly shifted the conversation to her caregiving mother, who is constantly attending to his every need. She is exhausted. Emotionally spent. As she spoke, tears flowed, not only out of compassion but also from frustration. Is he doing all he can to get better? Why does she have to endure this? How can she support her caregiving mother from so far away?

Four years ago, my mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. The diagnosis confirmed what her children had long suspected (including my doctor brother and doctor sister-in-law) but my father was the last to find out. It has been an uphill battle for him ever since. Just slightly behind to downward trajectory of my mother's condition. Trying to keep up with her ever-growing needs, we adult children would visit her whilst encouraging and consoling him. 

Early during this journey, I handed my father a little booklet that had caught my eye and resonated with what I felt for my Dad. Caregiver - that is the role that had now been thrust upon my father. And while many prayed and wept for my mother, his adult children knew, "This is going to be so hard on Dad. How can we make sure he seeks and gets help?"

Linked here is the booklet that CCEF has translated into blog form. You can access this for free and perhaps pass it on to someone you love who is giving care to another in need. Remember: They might feel guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed for looking after themselves, so make sure you help do it for them and affirm your support. 

A Wonderful and Free Marriage Tune-Up with Tim & Kathy Keller

My wife Katie and I were blessed both before and during the early years of our marriage with some wonderful marriage mentors. And frankly: We needed all the help we could get!!

Tim & Kathy Keller

Increasingly couples are getting hitched with neither the benefit of mentoring or counseling. You might be one of those people and even if you are not: I am linking below a wonderful marriage overview and refresher in 1 1/4 hours. 

Here you can access a brilliant 2005 talk from Pastor Tim & Kathy Keller on Cultivating a Healthy Marriage. You will need to create a user name and PW but otherwise it's free. The couple rotates back and forth speaking candidly, biblically and practically on six major marital hot-spots (again SIX in just an hour and some change!!):  (1) Purpose & Roles; (2) Communication; (3) Love Languages; (4) Sex (pre & post childbirth); (5) Conflict; (6) Spiritual Life together.   

Some Highlights that were impressed upon me:

• Purpose: (Tim) The purpose of marriage is Gospel Re-enactment
• Roles: (Kathy) The Hebrew idea for "Helper" comes from a position of strength not weakness or inferiority.
• Roles: (Kathy) Great stuff on understanding the roles & value of each person in marriage in relation to relationship of the Godhead in the Trinity.
• Roles: (Kathy) Great point about how both man and woman get to 'play the role' of Jesus in the marriage.
• Communication: (Tim) Never tire of asking: What is the motive of this message I'm about to send?
• Communication: (Tim) Addressing the problem not the person - 4-part strategy.
• Communication: (Tim) Make sure it's a safe place for the spouse to offer criticism by slowing down our responses and giving your spouse permission to keep on talking.
• Conflict: (Kathy) Sometimes you need gospel humility to call a 'foul' on yourself in the midst of the conflict (humbly ask: Please strike that last comment from the record).
• Conflict: (Kathy) Sometimes you need to be the coach by telling your husband, especially, "I'm just looking for a hug here" or " I'm just hoping you'll admit you're in need of help also."
• Conflict: (Tim) Always take time the next day, after repentance & restoration, to to review how you can improve next time - both the trigger of conflict and how you both handled the conflict as a team.

Tim Keller, as many of you know (since I've referred to him often and is likely my favorite living preacher) is Senior Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC. He and Kathy also joined together on a larger work released in 2011 called The Meaning of Marriage - which is not free. 

(FREE Audiobook) If God's already planned it, what's the point of praying, preparing & sharing my faith?

There is an argument against evangelism goes like this: 

"If God knows all things, is in charge of all things, and has planned all things, my friend, neighbor or co-worker will trust Jesus no matter how much or how little I pray, prepare, or share with them."

In what is probably the New Testament's paramount passage on evangelism, the bottom-line, takeaway action verb is "persuade others" (II Corinthians 5:11). It is interesting, however: The Apostle Paul makes clear that neither the persuading nor the converting ought motivate us. Indeed, you can imagine how our persuasive performance (or lack thereof) might lead to disappointment about ourselves, bitterness toward God, and even frustration toward the slow of heart we are trying to persuade. Accordingly, Paul gives two motivations to open our mouths about Jesus: (1) The fear of God (II Corinthians 5:11); (2) The love of Christ (II Corinthians 5:14). 

He will ask us to one day give an account of how we have stewarded the good news and the tongue that GOD the Holy Spirit has entrusted to us (fear - see II Cor. 5:10) and Jesus has given his life for us (love). 

With such teaching, J.I. Packer reminds us in Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God that it's not up to us and, yet, there are enormous and compelling reasons for us to share. Indeed, adopting a vision of a God who is both Large and in Charge can significantly aid us in the cause of evangelism. J.I. Packer is arguably the greatest theologian of the late 20th century. While I don't agree with a couple of his finer points in explaining the doctrine of God's sovereignty, I wholeheartedly recommend downloading and listening to this Free audiobook for the month of May.

Yahtzee! Adult Scripture Memory through Song & Visual Art

Isaiah 43:1-2

I am absolutely thrilled right now because I've stumbled upon an internet treasure. For years, our family has been singing Seeds Family worship Songs through which our children have memorized 20+ Direct Scripture references (and their happy tunes whittled their way into my brain to add verses like Psalm 34:10 and Philippians 4:11-13 to my arsenal). While there are some great songs & hymns out there saturated with the Word of God and deep truths - I've never seen an undertaking for adults like the one started by pastors by Joel Limpic and Ryan Gikas - The Verses Project.

The Advantages:
1. Well-Composed Adult Praise Music
2. 117 Scripture References as of March 2014.
3. Visually Artistic wallpaper for 1. Smartphones; 2. Tablets; 3. Desktops - all of which serve the purpose of reminding you of not only the verse (though certainly that) but also beauty and creative power of God's Word. 
4. Those who've perhaps done the Scripture or New Testament in a year thing, may want to instead (or in addition) try meditating on 1 Scripture Memory Reference per week! 
>>When Dietrich Bonhoeffer set up his seminary in Finkenwalde he had each student, including himself, meditate on the same verse for an entire week - a half hour each day. They were not allowed to consult any notes or helps but deal with the verse as though it was God's Word to them personally. 
>> Perhaps you've grown cold toward the Word of God, the great Puritan Thomas Watson once explained: "The reason we come away so cold from reading the Word is because we do not warm ourselves at the fire of meditation." 
5. Option to Sign up to have weekly updates (ie. new verse) sent to your Inbox
6. Free

Two Disclaimers:
1. Recognize the artists are "limited" by their subject matter. Some will cry foul: "Are you saying, Pastor Ryan(!), that the Bible is limiting?" Not at all. Only that the words they sing are consecutive verses (usually 2 or 3) of Scripture and they are limited to these. No artistic license to ponder examples in their lives of what is pure, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy and the like from Philippians 4:8 nor spot-on descriptions of the futility of life before "passing from death to life" from John 5:24. Also, it's the same words again & again (albeit done well!). If I'm honest, I had to initially tune my brain to "Ryan, Remember this is helping you Remember."  The singing is helping plant the Word of God deep into my mind, heart & soul. 

2. Most songs are a bit slower in tempo and softer in sound. This is so the artists can sing God's Word clearly - not to fast so that words run together nor too loud so that the words can't be heard over the music.  

Free Audiobook for January: THE Book (ESV Audio Bible)

There is something about hearing the Word of God that gets in people. In fact, even among pastor friends of mine when one is expected to get nuanced and talk through biblical concepts in often enigmatic, smarty-pants ways, I increasingly enjoy simply hearing the Bible quoted to me - to discuss it, chew on it, and ultimately be further challenged and edified by it. In fact, please never hesitate to think you are sounding somehow brown-nosing, overly 'spiritual', or "he-probably-already-knows-this" by quoting Scripture to me. It will be a gift every time that I will hopefully choose to receive as such (I mean a friend did just this past Sunday refer to me publicly using Genesis 3:10 "I heard the sound of you in the garden and I was afraid, because I was naked, and hid myself" [p.s. - I was apparently the one in the garden in this scenario] - so I'm a little hesitant to receive wholesale all verses directed toward me).

The apostle Paul says it like this in Romans 10 as he quotes Deuteronomy 30:14: "The word of God is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart so you can do it." Then later in verse 17: "Trust comes from hearing and hearing from the Word of Christ" 

It is so good to have His Word nearby to hear it & do it so that trust in our Savior grows as might the do-ing that so pleases Him.

So downloading this free version of the ESV Audio Bible is the ideal soundtrack to start the year. I should note that this particular audio version gives easy access to particular books and chapters as needed.

Free Audiobook for October: A Short Life of Jonathan Edwards (guest blogger: Pastor B)

My good pal turned partner-in-ministry, Pastor Brett, is a guest blogger for me today. He recently finished reading a larger biography of Jonathan Edwards so I thought you might fancy his introducing a shorter (and FREE!) biography of Jonathan Edwards...
 

A guest post by Pastor Brett...

I was recently telling somebody that if I could start university over again, instead of studying engineering, I would be strongly tempted to study history.  I love learning how seemingly small people and events can massively shape the direction of nations and future generations (in part because this encourages me that God can use my small acts of obedience to do things I can’t predict and may never know). 

Jonathan Edwards is an underrated titan of British and American history, well-known during his own lifetime but often overlooked today in part because he died tragically several years before the American Revolution (which – let’s be honest – is the point at which most Americans start caring about our own history).  He was a prolific writer, faithful pastor, courageous missionary, and tender family man (together with his wife Sarah he raised 11 children!), and more than 250 years after his death he is still widely regarded as the most important Christian thinker born in America, as well as one of its greatest geniuses. 

George Marsden, an Edwards expert, has written an excellent little introductory biography (less than 200 pages) called A Short Life of Jonathan Edwards, and this month you can get it for free here, courtesy of christianaudio.com.  Allow me to suggest just a few reasons it’s worth your time to get acquainted with Jonathan Edwards:

Edwards was dazzled by God – The man’s life was built around the glory of God.  In his preaching, in his writing, in his evangelism, he was always trying to help others see what he saw when he read his Bible and looked at the world: a beautiful God full of love and joy, who created the universe and humanity to spread his love and joy to others, and who is constantly beckoning us to turn from sin and idols, receive his mercy through Jesus, and spend eternity (starting now!) praising and enjoying his majesty.  Edwards helps us see the invisible beauties of God and the world as it really is.

Edwards was a wrestler – Not the kind of wrestler who wears a singlet; that would never have gone with his powdered wig.  No, Edwards wrestled with the difficult questions of life and wasn’t content with pat answers.  He wanted to hear from God: How can I be sure I’m a Christian?  How can I know whether the Holy Spirit is really at work in someone’ life?  How can a good God plan a world with such suffering and evil?  How can God be all-powerful and still hold me responsible for what I do?  We can learn from Edwards’ answers, and we can learn from his all-out pursuit of understanding God’s ways.

Edwards knew how to suffer – Though he experienced significant success in his life (hundreds trusting Christ through his preaching, best-selling books, wide influence leading to his appointment as president of Princeton University), he also endured plentiful difficulties – a bitter and painful dismissal from his church after more than 20 years of ministry, the death of a teenage daughter, regular physical danger from hostile Native American tribes, and his own slow death of complications from a smallpox inoculation.  Through it all, Edwards found that he could trust totally in a wise, good, and sovereign God.  Our lives would be so changed if we learned to trust the way Edwards did!

Free Audiobook for February: A Jesus-lovin' Indiana Jones

I have two sons - 8 and 6 years of age. The youngest celebrated his most recent birthday with a Spy Party (which included mostly parents jumping behind cardboard boxes shooting Nerf Gun Darts at one another...so, yes, the party was awesome!!). Boys, including this one in his mid-30s, gravitate toward adventure & risk. And there is plenty of that in the story of Brother Andrew.

God's Smuggler is a true story that begins with a boy who dreamed of one day being a spy and spent his childhood acting like one. After trusting his life to Jesus and seeing in His own life the impact of His Word, Brother Andrew decided to wed his life long passion with His passion for God's Word - spending decades smuggling Bibles across closed borders. The stories of God's supernatural protection and provision in the face of persistent imprisonment and death are astounding. 

You can download the free audiobook here. And as countless reviews tell of parents whose 7-10 year old children were riveted by this true account, my boys are likewise looking forward to hearing about the "Jesus-lovin' Indiana Jones" (don't judge me, but I'll use Harrison Ford-based media reference to lure my kids to the adventures found in living radically for Christ...okay, except for maybe Morning Glory).

I dare you to watch it!!

Free Audiobook for May: Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande

Are you like me: I feel something near compulsion to alert people to free stuff. Not free junk, but quality things from the land of the free and the home of "there's no catch." This month proves to be more than an easy call to alert you to christianaudio.com's free audiobook of the month - Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande.


I recommending clicking right here, taking the 30 seconds to fill in your info, and get to downloading for your listening benefit. I do so for two big ole honkin' reasons:


#1: Peacemakers Ministries and Ken Sande. I remember attending my first Peacemakers Seminar at my old church in Chicago nearly ten years ago. Since then, I've used Peacemakers materials with youth, in counseling, in helping lead frustrated people to Jesus, in my marriage, in martial counseling, in sermons, in basic conversations. It is simple, biblical, and practical. Also, conflict is just one of those things in which passions (especially the desire to get what we want) runs so high, we need some kind of concrete, firm plan we can 'cling to' in such moments lest everything else in us erupts or implodes (passive-agressive) to cause pain for ourselves and others. In other words, it's hard to trust ourselves and our instincts in such moments - we need a plan/strategy outside ourselves.


#2: If you have any relationship of depth and/or meaning, you experience, have experienced, will experience conflict. So if you have a heartbeat and have uttered "hi" or "sup, holmie" to someone today, then this audiobook will prove intensely relevant.


May God use this resource to prevent pain, heal hurts, and bring glory to Himself through your conflict.  

Free Audiobook for January: Knowing God by J.I. Packer

After a month-long blogging hiatus, I hopped on my laptop today stoked to write something about Church Ministry/Ministry to one another as Commissioned Chaos. I was pretty geeked about it and still may write some more later...but every other blog entry needed to be put aside to showcase a far superior feeding trough. 


The free audiobook of the month at Christianaudio.com is J.I. Packer's Knowing God. 


We have this classic in supply out at our book table in church and I would recommend any and every one give it a serious read or listen. If you are young in your faith, it will challenge you as to the crucial importance of knowing about God in order to know Him better relationally (and do so in a way that's accessible - focusing on the Bible as you would read it - passage-by-passage as opposed to reference-by-reference in parenthesis like this one). If you are relatively mature in your walk with Jesus, Packer's book will help crystallize some of your beliefs, expound upon doctrine about which you've given only a passing thought and draw out the importance of it all for your life. 


My least favorite chapter: Chapter 4 on "The Only True God." Packer clearly has a bone to pick with regard to religious art (specifically images of God) and, in this reader's opinion, goes too far in devaluing depictions of Christ in art through his application of the second commandment. No surprise that in his newer editions there is an "Additional Note (1993)" in which Packer clearly softens his stance. However, the twenty-one other chapters are brilliant. Hardly a word wasted.


Favorite Chapter: Chapter 21 "These Inward Trials." His counsel on God's dealing with & purposes for man through suffering are illuminating and have helped transform both my understanding of what He's doing through suffering and my own response to it (both in my life and in the lives of others).


Plus, it's FREE!! 


We are people who live from the inside out. The core of who we are is what we believe. What we believe (about God especially) radically affects what we value/love and what we value radically affects how we live. We see this even in the most mundane decisions we make each day. Beliefs >> Values >> Behavior. Start with Core-Training in 2012!!!

Free Audiobook for April: The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom

Each month, christianaudio.com provides a free audiobook for downloading. No catch or obligation to fill out a survey on cell phone subscriptions.

This month features a classic: The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. If you've never read this book, you've likely heard some sermon that featured the remarkable story of forgiveness exercised by Corrie toward a former Nazi soldier.

These are the memoirs of a heroine of the Dutch resistance who helped Jews escape the Nazis and grew into one of the more remarkable evangelists of the 20th century.

I'm sad to say that I've never read The Hiding Place, but look forward to filling times while driving and brushing my teeth (with a Sonicare toothbrush that forces me to brush for two full minutes!) with inspiration & encouragement from Corrie's remarkable testimony.

Free AudioBook of the Month: Adopted for Life

Each month, christianaudio.com provides a free audiobook for downloading. No catch. In the past they've had some goodins' on there such as J. Oswald Sanders' Spiritual Leadership, J.I. Packer's Knowing God (classic!), & Tim Keller's MInistries of Mercy. I'm going to try to start posting each new one on my little real estate in the blogosphere.

February's choice is an interesting one. It's called Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches by Russell D. Moore. Dr. Moore is the Dean of the School of Theology over at Southern Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. He & his wife have two adopted boys from Russia.

My understanding is that Dr. Moore gets into the important doctrine of adoption into God's family through Christ as well as the priority of caring for the "fatherless" in the Old Testament -- then understanding their import upon the call to adopt in the modern world. My quick take is that it may not be for everyone, but from everything I hear it is a "must read" for anyone who has even remotely considered adoption. Here's the link:

http://christianaudio.com/adopted-for-life-russell-moore