Out of the overflow of the heart a man posts: Social Media Etiquette

During Sunday's worship Service we applied some Proverbs to the use of etiquette toward strangers and acquaintances. 

I'm going to share something that you might not think a big deal but I remember it and am still slightly embarrassed by it. It was a Facebook comment I made about four years ago. A couple was posting love-grams back and forth on their Facebook walls. I didn't quite say, "Get a room" (after all it was later in the evening, they were sitting next to each other and so did, in fact, "have a room"), but instead typed out: "Isn't he sitting right next to you? Post-it-Note instead?" I was trying to be witty and cute, or was I? The next morning I looked into my heart and thought: I'm probably a little jealous, my marriage isn't right now full of "sweet-nothings" like notes and posts and that's my issue not theirs. This is a couple whom I love dearly, serve the church faithfully, and are just people we really enjoy being around. A few days later I would apologize face-to-face. 

Cat posts are still care-free, all other posts require care

Social media like Instagram, Facebook, Twitter are now firmly entrenched among the go-to venues of modern communication, long since supplanting even the phone call. Just last year I bought a phone second hand and was told by others they have a hard time hearing me if I'm not using the speaker or an earpiece - but it didn't cause me to run back for a refund. I always keep an earpiece nearby because some communications require hearing a person's voice but the reality is I'm going to be using WhatsApp, text or email far more often. The entrenchment of social media and text in our lives and the degree to which it occupies a high percentage of our communications requires, then, that we cease treating what we communicate as if its "secondary" communication. What you post is not just another "throwaway" online comment, it must be taken seriously because now many of us use these modes of communication primarily. Cat photos still don't require much, but all the comments following require at least some level of care. It matters - not only to show respect and concern for others but for yourself as a reflection of what's in your heart. 

Here are some tips for displaying Social Media Etiquette: 
1. Don't go online to feel better, only go online to feel even better. This tip is a combination of words of wisdom I once heard about consuming alcohol and what Jesus said in Matthew 12:34-37 - a strange combination to be sure. I once heard some secular advice about the consumption of alcohol: Don't drink to feel better, only drink to feel even better. The point being that using alcohol as a "refuge" or "comfort" to give you the lift you need is dangerous indeed! So is social media. You may be feeling down or just in need of a lift, so it's tempting to tap that Facebook or Instagram App and get your fix but your heart and fingers remain unstable, craving something that another's "best-of" life or their response to your comments cannot give you. So how then might we feel better? Jesus says the trouble really starts in the heart (Matthew 12:34-37). When we cheer our hearts with the good news - Jesus' unshakeable love for us and who we are as a result - the overflow will be a celebration of God and neighbor online with stable fingers that type nothing short of celebratory and encouraging words. Don't go online to feel better, first apply the good news to your heart and then communication will prove even better. 

2. Resist engaging in social media counseling. Jesus clear pattern was to go to a brother and talk with him alone (Matthew 18:15-17). If they are far away, choose a private message or email. Even then it might be wiser to either let it go or ask if you can have a video/audio chat over Facebook or WhatsApp. When people can hear and/or see you, they can also hear your empathy and see on your face an expression of genuine concern.

3. Use Emojis. Speaking of facial expressions, communication through online media along with email can be  because you can't see a persons facial expressions and intonations. I can't believe I'm saying this publicly for all three of you to read, but I would heartily recommend the use of emojis. For example, someone asks you to do something with them and you just type back "Later" that can be construed as abrupt, putting me off, no intention to actually get back with me but if you say "Later" and include a smiley face and party popper it communicates - I need to hold off but I want to talk about this, do

something with you, and "it's going to be awesome." People overdo it for certain. I'm not sure why I get emoji'd a Looney Tunes Bomb and a Spanish Dancing Girl, but at least I know the person's mood as they write it and it's not: Annoyed, Disinterested, or Put off. So some men (and women too) are going to find my counsel vile because they feel emojis are beneath them. Let me exhort you: Be released to use an emoji! They may help prevent one person a week from misunderstanding your communication. If you don't like the ones out there, you can submit one to the Official Unicode Consortium (yes, the official keepers of the emoji).

4. Take a moment to Evaluate your posts & heart. Pastor Jarrid (that's not misspelled) Wilson suggests that 1 Timothy 3 paints an picture of godly leadership as it pertains to the life of the Christian. He says, "If any of us aspire to lead others (which we all should), we must take the contents of 1 Timothy to heart and evaluate our lives from the inside our. I think we should do the same for our social media posts."  What do your posts say about your heart?

• Are your posts above reproach? (1 Timothy 3:2)
• Are your posts nonviolent and non-confrontational? (1 Timothy 3:3)
• Are your posts managed well and full of respect?  (1 Timothy 3:4)
• Are your posts put above time with God, or family? (1 Timothy 3:5)
• Are your posts humble? (1 Timothy 3:6)
• Are your posts respected, and do they portray a good name for Christians? (1 Timothy 3:7)
• Are your posts sincere? (1 Timothy 3:8)
• Are your posts reflecting your trust in God's truth?  (1 Timothy 3:9).

Out of the overflow of the heart a man posts (Luke 6:45).  

(FREE Audiobook for July) Eight Twenty Eight: When Love Didn't Give up

When I picked up looked over this book at a conference earlier this year, I had four different persons come up to me saying with fervor: "I can't believe Larissa and Ian put out a book!!"* Two ladies even grabbed each others' hands and with great glee half jumped up and down (more of a jumping motion, not sure they made lift off). 

I bought one copy for Katie and one for myself and we read it together. We both look for ways to grow in our love for each other without regard to performance or what the other person "brings to the table."  Ian and Larissa's is a compelling story about the unconditional love of Jesus applied to real life relationships. At first glance it appears to be a story exclusively about romance and marriage - but even after the first ten pages you realize: There is applicability in laying down one's life for any and every human relationship.

Click here for some free Summer listening for your road trip or your commute. 

*Or some near equivalent. "For Real-sie!" was also used. 

Mud: A good movie for Men & Boys

I admit I'm partial to movies about boys growing up in the American South. In part, because it constituted most of my upbringing before my big 90210 move to Southern California that made me the pre-madonna I am today. 

The movie Mud (2013, PG-13, 130 mins, now out on DVD and stars Matthew McConaughey and Reese Witherspoon) is such a movie based in the American South and explores the ability of men to continue to hope in enduring love versus the alternative of hardening to it. Here's a fuller review and summary from a Christian point-of-view, I just want to mention 3 things that make this movie worth taking in - especially if you are a man and even more especially if you are a man with boys who are 13+. It is PG-13 so that should be fair warning about violence, language, etc.

1. Rural men who are not characterized by being tough & grizzled. This doesn't mean the four key men in the story (Mud, the boy, the father, the sniper) aren't these qualities to some extent - but it's not what characterizes them. In fact, writer/director Jeff Nichols does a brilliant job of characterizing these men primarily by love or, at least, their hope in love without making it come across as effeminate in the eyes of the typical male viewer. This is very refreshing and provides a visual, albeit imperfect (this is still Hollywood), for men in their 20s and 30s as well as boys for the expression of a robust and masculine love. 

2. Rural people who are not characterized by the hypocrisy or emptiness of religion/the church. Every line of Psalm 136 includes the refrain: "His steadfast love endures forever." This movie explores whether or not men can believe this even though their is no meaningful mention of "God" in the film (with the exception of one brutal man who asks his henchmen to pray for the death of man who killed his boy - but he's set apart by Nichols so explicitly as anti-God that his request is almost comical and not a significant commentary on rural religion). But the absence of a meaningful God-mention is refreshing - and I know it sounds strange for a pastor to say this. However, in these movies Southern and rural religion tends to have a role - and that role is typically destructive. Nichols avoids it altogether allowing the symbolism at the movie's final scene to stand out and can cause one to think on God's enduring love without us having to wonder: "Oh yeah, but remember from the earlier church/preacher scene that the writer/director is anti-church, anti-religion, anti-God." 

3. The final scene. Disclaimer: I won't give away anything of the plot in saying this. The movie makes a bold statement that despite years of heartache and disappointment with love, men can still hope that they are loved and have the ability to love. Men can be more than just responsible and hardworking as their highest potential. How? Through the large and small sacrifices of others and the sacrifice a man makes in response. Such that the movie ends how it does - with hope and a sunrise all brought about by sacrifice. All of which should remind us of THE Man who sacrificed it all that we might forever know we are loved.

Give it a watch. Would love to hear what you think.

Velvet Steel: The Best kind of Love on Valentine's Week

In a poem, Pastor John Piper once described his wife as: Velvet Steel. What a great description of a faithfully loving spouse, friend, or brother-sister in Christ.

I ran across the same description of a character in one of my favorite books - The Hammer of God by Bo Giertz. The protagonist, Savonius, is struggling with the idea of faith alone in Jesus for salvation. God sends an older, fellow pastor his way.

Now God had sent him another helper. But the help was the same. He felt as if he had stumbled against something eternal and unmovable, something at the innermost corse of existence, something that was at the same time hard as a rock and soft to the touch as the gentle hand of a mother.

YES! Immovable like a rock (faithful, true, honest...even brutally honest) yet a soft exterior like the hand of one's mother (patient, kind, for you, willing to sacrifice for your good).

Aren't these the kind of persons for whom you're most grateful in Your life? I can't help but think it's because they best model the "Velvet Steel" love of our Heavenly Father.

Looking forward to Fall 2010: HOSPITALITY

While things are sort of light this Summer at Sunrise Community Church, I'll be blogging as to some of the plans that myself & the elders have been prayerfully discussing for the Fall. Please chime in with your thoughts as we're always looking for new ideas.

One of the areas we're looking to revamp is how we do Hospitality at Sunrise. Hospitality is both commanded in the New Testament for all believers and mentioned as a spiritual gift. Contrary to what I used to believe when my Mom made me eat nicely decorate food that tasted like plastic, hospitality goes beyond tea, crumpets, & making sure everyone is properly introduced with their titles (Madam, Miss/Misses, Mister, Doctor, Reverend, and Sir...I occasionally met people who'd been knighted). Hospitality, more broadly and more biblically-speaking, is that ability and practice of making another feel comfortable (see Romans 15: 1-7 to understand both what hospitality entails and what serves as its proper motivation). The Greek word translated "hospitality" is philoxenia, which literally translates "stranger love" or, less literally, love of strangers. And during the times when the NT was written, such "stranger love" was often the difference between a traveller and his family receiving a roof over their heads or having to spend the night outside, even bearing the elements to the point of death.

We've been enjoying our vaca with la familia, amigos & amigas back in the U.S. of A. Last week we had the pleasure of being hosted at a pastoral retreat center in the mountains of Tennessee. The Whitestone Inn is part of the Christian Hospitality Network -- which is a network of hotels and inns that offer special opportunities for full-time pastors & missionaries to get away & be refreshed at reduced rates. The very first night we were there, this place lived up to its Hospitable billing. The owners of this 600-acre facility invited some of us up to his large home on top of the hill to watch fireworks erupt below in the Tennessee River Valley.

While they didn't allow hospitality to overextend to the point of altering commitments made to guests of their home & family members (they have a grandchild living with them), they did extend a type of philoxenia ("stranger love"_ that I'm trying to describe. " I'll give you a few examples. (1) They let dozens of folks they've never met before meander through their home with the comment "you're welcome to go and look through any room that has its door open." And this place was an architectural & ecological delight. (2) The owner came to every breakfast and personally introduced himself. (3) At every dinner, he would tell a story and pray for the meal. As one person described, "It was like being home or what we wished our homes would be."

What a great concept for our ekklesia, our church fellowship. Church: What we wished our homes would be.

When everywhere else we feel like strangers, home is a place we ought to feel like we belong. That is the church to which Christ has called us. When we speak of "stranger love," I can't help but think of this truth in God's Word about our condition without Christ:

"Remember that your were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenant of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ" (Ephesians 2: 12-13).

Obedience in the Christian life is all about response -- it's hard to be too emphatic about this overarching truth. Just as Christ has brought us near when we were strangers, so he asks us to show "stranger love" that others might be brought near to God through faith in Christ & his blood (ie. his sacrifice on the cross).

Here are some things we're planning demonstrating "stranger love" as a church and I'll follow that up with ways you may want to consider getting involved:

• Newcomer's Lunch: Katie and I have spent the majority of our first six months just getting to know existing and new couples. Mostly one-shot meetings getting to know people's faith-stories, their experiences with churches, and fielding questions/concerns about SCC. These get-togethers, often informal and even unplanned, have been among the greatest joys for us during our brief time in Cayman. But as the church grows, we need to find a better way to introduce people to the church -- namely, a small group forum immediately after church in which Katie and I will open our home to newcomers, provide a catered lunch, get to know some folks, and field some questions and provide some info. about Sunrise. We plan to start this in September and run one every 2 months. All are encouraged to sign up and attend the first lunch.
• Nametags: Nametags are one of the issues that old-timers in the church (which for our church is a maximum of 3 years) and those of us who are long time "church goers" either love or hate. Mostly the latter -- I think because we take a little pride, perhaps, in knowing most people who come through those doors. Problem is: So many of us don't (I blame my ever-deteriorating memory due to childrearing). I'd love to hear your thoughts re: Nametags. I'd prefer printing out some you can wear each week (versus the plastic kind you pin on). And then having blank ones that people can fill out. But who should have some printed out? People who come most weeks? And how do we determine that? Would love to hear some ideas.
• A Culture of Hospitality. Being greeted by more than the "front door Mr. Rogers." Knowing where to go, where to eat, where to send their kids. Little things like making sure people can easily and readily provide us their information. We'll have three chair pockets for every single row among the center section of the Theater. That way everyone has access to a contact card, pen/pencil, and Bible -- not more than a reach away.

How might you consider getting involved?

• Offer a ride to or offer to accompany someone who is attending the Newcomer's Lunch (should you do so, we may even let you partake of the grub).
• Volunteer to be a Greeter/Usher
• Sign up for the Sunrise Facebook Page and recruit to it someone else you just met.
• Arrive 10 minutes before the service starts and note anyone(s) sitting by themselves who look new. Go sit near them and strike up a conversation. Newcomers often come early and those first few minutes are among the most uncomfortable of their entire week. Among God's people, this should not be!
• Once-a-month force yourself to rush out to the parking lot after the service, where you'll find newcomers often rushing to their car because they've grown accustomed to the idea that church is less than an "ideal home."
• If hospitality ain't your thing (and is certainly not your spiritual gift) put your heads together with a friend, roommate, or spouse, and figure out what you can do to invite a neighbor or new church attendee over to your home. As my former pastor said, "Spend time outside of the tribe" (outside of your circle of influence -- friends/family).
• What are the unique gifts or resources has given you? How would those bless people in the church? For instance if you have a trampeline, pool and/or big yard, how can I bless a new family with kids in our church? If I live on the beach, perhaps someone who does not would appreciate an afternoon at the beach while we either join them or vacate our premises so they can enjoy some alone time.
• Serve with someone. Find someone relatively new to the church, who you've gotten to know a bit, and ask if they'd like to serve with you as a greeter, in the nursery together, etc. I find there is perhaps no truer bond that is formed between people as when they look outside themselves and serve others.

These are just some ideas. Let us keep in mind, and may God help us, that the key to lasting in creating a culture of "stranger love" is to continually recall that we were once strangers brought near to our Father through the sacrifice of Christ. We estranged ourselves through sin -- choosing to go our own way -- but Jesus showed us "stranger love" by pursuing lost sheep and bringing them near to the Father and to His church.

Oh what love!!

Loving with an Agenda

A couple weeks ago, I asked this question in a sermon: "Am I being unloving if I build a relationship with someone simply to share the gospel with them?" (ie. Is it wrong to love someone with an agenda?). The context of this question was Luke 16: 1-13 and my main point -- "Use $ & Resources for your own eternal good -- by making friends for the sake of making of gospel connection with them" (that passage is a toughie).

So I argued YES to the above question -- as making a gospel connection with someone is the most loving agenda possible.

This week I ran across this from Atheist Penn Jillette (LEFT) that I thought I'd throw out there as it comes from someone who'd have every reason to feel "used" by any so-called agenda. Penn Jillette is one half of Penn and Teller, a duo that has been headlining Vegas shows for years with comedy and the art of illusion. Penn has never been shy about his disbelief in God, often writing about his conviction in articles and best-selling books. Yet in an on-line video blog that can be found on YouTube, Penn shares a story about the time a gracious Christian businessman gave him a Bible as a gift. Penn goes on to use the story as an opportunity to point out that Christians who don't evangelize must really hate people. Here's the direct quote from his video blog:

I've always said, you know, that I don't respect people who do not proselytize. I don't respect that at all. If you believe that there's a heaven and hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think that, uh, well, it's not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think that people shouldn't proselytize, [saying] "Just leave me alone and keep your religion to yourself"—uh, how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize them? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed beyond the shadow of a doubt that a truck was coming to hit you, and you didn't believe it, and that truck was bearing down on you, there's a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that.