New Lancet Study on Abortion and what it means for Cayman

Psalm 139:13-16

A couple weeks ago the well-respected U.K. medical journal, Lancet, published massive, worldwide, multi-year findings with regard to the practice of abortions. The results had a a surprise or two and some specific implications for Grand Cayman. The journal article itself will cost you $31.50. I was unwilling to shell out that kind of coin and so settled for this very helpful summary by Aaron Hanbury from the Christian magazine Relevant. It is worth reading. 

Here are 5 conclusions I've come to through reflecting on the article itself, and over time:

1. Life in the womb begins very, very early. I do not pretend to be expertly equipped to determine definitively when life begins, though my brilliant and accomplished sister-in-law (Senior OBGYN at the University of Washington) tries to keep me well-informed. The gamut among well-respected scientists runs from fertilization to implantation (when the fertilized egg travels down the fallopian tube and attaches to the mother's uterus) to gastrulation...and the list goes on. The first three options occur within the first few weeks of the act itself, yet it is after this period that the vast majority of abortions are sought out. So while I know I'm willing to conceded that the details are a bit murky, it does seem clear that life begins somewhere within those first couple weeks. 

2. Sex is a gift not a right. Believing and treating sex as a right tends to absolve us, at least in our own eyes, of the potential consequences. Our eldest child was recently introduced to the reproductive system and general sexual orientation at his school. Yay! The above perspective was not mentioned at the orientation (while I'm guilty of neglecting almost exactly 50% of the email correspondences sent by his school, I checked this one along with the attached educational outline). Thankfully, he and I had that discussion over a weekend guys retreat last year. One of the aspects of sex I tried to bring up during the weekend but need to emphasize further as he gets older is that sex is a gift, not a right. The God of the Bible gives a husband and wife sex as a delight, not simply for reproduction. It is written in God's very Law: "If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married" (Deuteronomy 24:5 NIV). It's important to note that "bring happiness" means what you think it means! Sex is a happy gift to be exclusively enjoyed in the context of marriage (Hebrews 13:4). One of the reasons God designed the gift for this purpose was so that when a child is conceived, he or she has two parents ready to raise them (though of course their are exceptions in which the above two-parent-plan proves impossible). When I was twelve my grandmother promised me the gift of a new car when I graduated from college. Happy Gift Accepted! Imagine had she actually given me that gift when she first offered it. I would've wrecked the car and likely ruined my life. The gift of sex is available for any man or woman but the results of seizing it too early can be ruinous.  

3. Cayman isn't an exception. If you read the article above you'll notice who owns the highest abortion rates in the world - the Caribbean (65 per 1000 women at reproductive age). I know some reading this article will point toward other Caribbean neighbors you feel are the likely culprits; however, those who have lived in Cayman for many years or are from here are aware of the secret underbelly of "quick trips to Miami" that, regrettably, are not shopping-related. One local and trustworthy friend of ours estimated she knows of close to a dozen persons who have received abortions, though she surmises their are far more who keep it quiet. Admittedly, this is all restricted to anecdotal evidence as there isn't any empirical research exclusive to Cayman as far as I am aware.

4. Law doesn't change behavior. The Lancet findings also reveal that countries with laws making abortion illegal do not have lower abortion rates. These results can be misleading, but they at least suggest that illegality plays a relatively minor factor in the performing an abortion. In other words, law doesn't mitigate a person's desire or behavior. This is not a shocker for those who know Jesus and read their Bible. Scripture attests to the law's impotency and that it is only grace that trains us to say "no" (Titus 2:11-12). This is not to suggest that Christians shouldn't strive to make their voices heard with regard to their respective national laws. We are called to "do justice" (Micah 6:8), especially on behalf of the most vulnerable (Jeremiah 22:3). Rather, we are naive to think that the legal solution will change the hearts and minds of those who are thinking, desiring, planning toward terminating a pregnancy as their best option. 

5. Adopted people Adopt. Adoption as a specifically religious truth is unique to Christianity. The Bible outlines adoption as God's choice of me as his son irrespective of my behavior or merits. The choice occurs before we were born: "He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will" (Ephesians 1:5). The choice is experienced when we trust and receive Jesus: "Yet to all who received [Jesus], to those who believe in his name, He gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12). You who were otherwise abandoned now trust Christ neither because you willed it nor because you were well-behaved, but because the Father picked you. So when I hear about or consider a child being willfully abandoned to death, my heart wants to repeat what has been done for me. I am not saying that everyone is called to adopt, but local families of God who are actively reminding one another of what's been done for them through Jesus, should be readily inclined to plead: "Please ask us for help before you terminate your pregnancy!"

If you or someone you know is contemplating such a decision, please talk with myself or Katie. We would be interested in gently respecting your privacy and gladly working with you in a nonjudgmental manner to either adopt the child ourselves or find someone like-minded who will. 

(FREE Audiobook for July) Eight Twenty Eight: When Love Didn't Give up

When I picked up looked over this book at a conference earlier this year, I had four different persons come up to me saying with fervor: "I can't believe Larissa and Ian put out a book!!"* Two ladies even grabbed each others' hands and with great glee half jumped up and down (more of a jumping motion, not sure they made lift off). 

I bought one copy for Katie and one for myself and we read it together. We both look for ways to grow in our love for each other without regard to performance or what the other person "brings to the table."  Ian and Larissa's is a compelling story about the unconditional love of Jesus applied to real life relationships. At first glance it appears to be a story exclusively about romance and marriage - but even after the first ten pages you realize: There is applicability in laying down one's life for any and every human relationship.

Click here for some free Summer listening for your road trip or your commute. 

*Or some near equivalent. "For Real-sie!" was also used. 

A Wonderful and Free Marriage Tune-Up with Tim & Kathy Keller

My wife Katie and I were blessed both before and during the early years of our marriage with some wonderful marriage mentors. And frankly: We needed all the help we could get!!

Tim & Kathy Keller

Increasingly couples are getting hitched with neither the benefit of mentoring or counseling. You might be one of those people and even if you are not: I am linking below a wonderful marriage overview and refresher in 1 1/4 hours. 

Here you can access a brilliant 2005 talk from Pastor Tim & Kathy Keller on Cultivating a Healthy Marriage. You will need to create a user name and PW but otherwise it's free. The couple rotates back and forth speaking candidly, biblically and practically on six major marital hot-spots (again SIX in just an hour and some change!!):  (1) Purpose & Roles; (2) Communication; (3) Love Languages; (4) Sex (pre & post childbirth); (5) Conflict; (6) Spiritual Life together.   

Some Highlights that were impressed upon me:

• Purpose: (Tim) The purpose of marriage is Gospel Re-enactment
• Roles: (Kathy) The Hebrew idea for "Helper" comes from a position of strength not weakness or inferiority.
• Roles: (Kathy) Great stuff on understanding the roles & value of each person in marriage in relation to relationship of the Godhead in the Trinity.
• Roles: (Kathy) Great point about how both man and woman get to 'play the role' of Jesus in the marriage.
• Communication: (Tim) Never tire of asking: What is the motive of this message I'm about to send?
• Communication: (Tim) Addressing the problem not the person - 4-part strategy.
• Communication: (Tim) Make sure it's a safe place for the spouse to offer criticism by slowing down our responses and giving your spouse permission to keep on talking.
• Conflict: (Kathy) Sometimes you need gospel humility to call a 'foul' on yourself in the midst of the conflict (humbly ask: Please strike that last comment from the record).
• Conflict: (Kathy) Sometimes you need to be the coach by telling your husband, especially, "I'm just looking for a hug here" or " I'm just hoping you'll admit you're in need of help also."
• Conflict: (Tim) Always take time the next day, after repentance & restoration, to to review how you can improve next time - both the trigger of conflict and how you both handled the conflict as a team.

Tim Keller, as many of you know (since I've referred to him often and is likely my favorite living preacher) is Senior Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC. He and Kathy also joined together on a larger work released in 2011 called The Meaning of Marriage - which is not free. 

Freedom Run Wild & Abundant Pleasures...mmm...YES, PLEASE!

On Sunday mornings under the Big Top we have been examining the Paradoxes of the Christian Life. God wants to give us all manner of graces but the way we access such grace is the opposite of what we'd expect (or want !!). Last Sunday's Paradox: Freedom through Slavery and this Sunday's will be Abundance through Monogamy. 

I ran across some of G.K. Chesterton's writings on the subject in his classic work Orthodoxy. Chesterton, like C.S. Lewis after him, had a wonderful way of putting things, especially big biblical truths. He beautifully summarizes both how total sold-out-ness (slavery) to the rule and order of a good God leads to freedom and how monogamy leads to the most abundant of pleasures.

The more I considered Christianity, the more I found that while it had established a rule and order, the chief aim of that order was to give room for good things to run wild.

Chesterton goes on to use the example of sex:

I could never mix in the common murmur of that rising generation against monogamy, because no restriction on sex seemed so odd and unexpected as sex itself...Keeping to one woman is a small price to pay so much as seeing one woman. To complain that I could only be married once was like complaining that I had only been born once. It was incommensurable with the terrible excitement of which one was talking. It showed, not an exaggerated sensibility to sex, but a curious insensibility to it. A man is a fool who complains he cannot enter Eden by five gates at once. Polygamy is a lack of the realization of sex; it is like a man plucking five pears in mere absence of mind.

One of the great difficulties of the Christian life is warding off the deception that the only way you are truly going to get personal freedom and get abundance of pleasure is to go out and get it yourself (e.g., making more $ to have more personal choices, climbing the ladder to get more personal time off, etc. and seeking multiple partners, multiple purchases, multiple social circles, multiple "good time activities" as primary means to personal pleasure).

Accordingly, I pray Chesterton helps you today: Submission to God's rule allows freedom to run wild & monogamy in marriage keeps us ever-sensitive and enjoying the truly strange and mysterious (and quite pleasurable!) gift of sex. 

Praise God for cheerleading & truth-telling Spouses

Disclaimer: No idea who this is. But since my wife is neither old
nor a former cheerleader, I had to find an old-timey cheerleader.

As a man, I tend to bottle frustration, anxiety, doubt, and concern within and, if it wasn't for the elders in our church, the only person who would ever see those things exposed is my lovely wife, Katie. 

Over the past couple weeks Katie and I engaged in a weekend marriage seminar (ie. surgery) and celebrated our 12th anniversary. I am so grateful I get to spend my life with her. One of the reasons I am able to handle the adversity of disrespect, passive-aggressiveness, unexpected tasks from without is hearing her encouragement and cheerleading for Team Oelschlager (more ideas on cheerleading: Some great tips). And a reason I'm able to withstand and fight back against doubt, frustration, anxiety from within is her reminding me of what's really true.

I was reading this morning in Judges 13 about Manoah. Here's a guy whose wife is never mentioned by name even though she is first approached by an angel of God to deliver major news about a mighty son born to her and her husband who will defeat Israel's enemies, the Philistines (vv.3-5). When Manaoh prays for this angel to reappear, he again shows himself to his wife first (vv.9-10). Nevertheless, she remains conspicuously nameless. I like this because it more readily allows the reader, especially the male reader, consider his own spouse in her place.

Having encountered an angel, carried on a conversation with him, and mistaken him for God himself, Manoah begins to worry, doubt, even fear, which often occurs in a man's spirit once all the excitement dies down a little. But that is when his help-meet, his bride shines as she speaks truth into his life:

And Manoah said to his wife, "We shall surely die, for we have seen God." But his wife said to him, "If the LORD had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt and grain offering from our hands or shown us all these things, or announced to us such things as these"  (Judges 13: 22-23).

Praise be to God for cheerleading & truth-telling spouses, who like Manaoh's wife, remind us that God is good, has shown He has good plans for our lives, & has announced to us very good news (ie. the gospel) that can always and at any time bring us great hope.

The Myth of Marriage Problems

Despite the title of this post, I really am writing to encourage you to sign-up for the Art of  Marriage Event on May 24-25 (this Sunday = last day to sign up). I do not at all mean to suggest that you are not experiencing problems in your marriage nor that you, as a result, do not need the tune-up or overhaul that I believe God can and will provide through the Art of Marriage (AOM). It's just that we unknowingly misplace the blame.

One of my favorite quotes on marriage comes from Dave Harvey, author of When Sinners say 'I Do'. He says:

How easy it its to use the phrase, 'We are having marriage problems,' as if the marriage created them.

Marriage still remains, in and of itself, an inanimate object incapable of producing anything - however, the two persons in a marriage are capable of producing problems. Hence the title of Harvey's book: When Sinners Say 'I Do.'  This means your worst fears, yes, will probably be realized. As someone who has signed up for the AOM Event said to me a few days ago: "Over the last month I haven't voiced frustrations to my spouse because I was waiting for the weekend to come so he can begin to identify his problems - then I realized, 'Yikes, maybe God wants to identify problems in me.'" 

Fear in marriage. ID-ing problems in you is almost certainly the case and might cause us to fear. This is similar to reading 1 John as we've started doing on Sunday Mornings - John forces you to re-examine if your faith is legit and to question if you really and truly know Christ. And, as I asked this past Sunday: What's the worse that can happen if you realize you are a massive problem to your marriage or wake-up to the reality that you really haven't trusted your life to Jesus?

Grace in marriage. See, the great thing about Jesus and encountering His plan for marriage is that He freely offers us this treasure that is totally foreign to what the world's solution and totally different from an improvement strategy that other religions would propose. That treasure is grace. Grace is God's love made active through an undeserved gift. That means at any moment -- even a moment of doubt, fear or even despair -- God can activate His love toward you even though you neither did anything to deserve it nor pushed a magic button to activate. All we have to do is really admit we need of His help and rescuing. 

God's grace can change a marriage. If you recognize that you need God's help to be the spouse He calls you to be (notice not: "If you recognize your marriage needs God's help") and, through the conference, identify specific idols, bad habits, and hurtful attitudes, I'm confident He will begin to activate His love toward you (ie. show you grace). I'll give you two ways the Bible talks about grace and which I'm specifically praying for every person attending - (1) He will help you and your spouse truly put the past behind you (forgetting) and (2) He will patiently teach you how to say "No" to all the potential idols, bad habits, and hurtful attitudes that used to beset you (buttons you used to push to get what you want or a desire to get in the first and last word on an issue). Here is what God's Word says about how His grace through Jesus helps with both (1) & (2). 

Not that I have already obtained this (being exactly like Jesus) or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me . Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus     (Paul in Philippians 3:12-14).

People don't just forget the past and move on. The past creeps back in or comes back up. It always does - apart from real grace. Not just an admission of guilt with an admission of forgiveness, but real divine power within that forgiveness that heals. 

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It [grace] teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age   (Titus 2:11-12).

The grace of God is a patient but effective teacher to help you grow as a husband or wife. You can believe that God is going to change you and your spouse as you rely on His grace.

Take a chance on the AOM Event even though you will have to admit you need help - that's exactly the place where God can begin to activate His love in your life and that of your spouse.

Living together before Marriage: Two helpful articles & a question we should all be asking

Confronting cohabitation before marriage, I'm convinced, needs to be at the forefront of any strategy for healthy marriages over the next 20 years - in every church and for every every pastor, Christian counselor, and indeed every Christian. Whether you tend to be for it or against it, it is happening at an alarming rate and isn't going away. No less here in Cayman. This scenario is all too common among ex-pats in particular: A young single professional moves here and is looking for a roommate. He/she meets another young single professional of the opposite gender - maybe they even start dating or at least engage in a 'good-natured' flirtatious friendship - WA- LA!! "Why don't we be roommates?!" Problem solved.

Here are two articles suggesting that the problems are, in fact, just beginning:

This first one is actually from a secular perspective that was featured in The New York Times in April of this year. It provides very helpful statistics and insight as to why - Jesus and the Bible aside - cohabitation before marriage carries with it tremendous risks that the persons involved sort of unconsciously slide into. I am admittedly disappointed at the author's final conclusion. She almost seems to mount her argument only to 'give in' to the prevailing tide of cohabitation at the very end. Indeed, she fails to see the logical link between her assertion that 2/3 of Americans now see cohabitation as a step toward marriage (which she uses as a positive about premarital cohabitation) and the fact that this 'step' is likely still a 'test.' She seems to ignore that it is a test which no one can ultimately pass because the commitment that bonds together and sustains mutually beneficial living for both parties (ie. marriage) is noticeably absent - see next article.

This second one is from Family Life Today. It actually includes some overlap with the NY Times article (proving that, yes, the Bible does align with experiential, modern data - we should expect it too if it is truly inspired by God and authoritative for life!). However, it also debunks the helpfulness of "the trial run" theory from a biblical perspective. 

I just want to add one thought (okay, with a couple 'sub-thoughts'):

The question every person should be asking - married, single, child, elderly, teenager, potential premarital co-habitor. It comes from an often overlooked verse in the Bible:

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous (Hebrews 13:4).

So two things. First, you may have heard someone say: "Does the Bible actually say not to have sex before marriage? It talks about adultery but that's once you are already married." You can say "yes" and, with a spirit of gentleness and love, point to Hebrews 13:4. The author, rather intentionally it seems, includes two situations that God will judge: (1) the "adulterous" (Gk. moichos), which refers to anyone who is specifically unfaithful to his/her spouse;  (2) the "sexually immoral" (Gk. pornos), which is a much broader term referring to anyone who engages in sexual activity outside the confines of marriage between a man and a woman. Premarital cohabitation, which despite anyone's best intentions and will-power, nearly always includes sex at one point or another falls into this latter category and was probably even an example the author had in mind while writing it.

Second, Marriage is to be held honor among all (ie. not just married people). So this verse is for my 8-year-old and 5-year-old also - Katie and I try to live out our marriage (through respecting one another, serving one another, being affectionate with each other, putting each other before even them) in such a way that they have a high regard for marriage. In other words, certainly any cynical singles who publicly scoff at married couples need to deal with Hebrews 13:4. Furthermore, the way you treat the girl/guy you just started dating, the manner in which you conduct yourself with your long-time boyfriend/girlfriend, decisions that you make with your not-yet-married partner reflects not only what you think about just marriage but also, according to this verse, what you think of the God who commands us to honor this gift He's given. 

So the question all of us should be asking: Will this decision honor marriage among the people around me?

These are people who are still looking for hope, looking for a different sort of life - Does your relationship reflect that difference?

(And now may God give us the grace and discernment to take these truths and apply it lovingly to conversations with our friends or apply it to our own cohabitating lives!)

A message about Porn (no longer just a problem for men...but, yeah, still a problem for men)

Below I've posted a concise and helpful sermon by P.J. Smyth (lead pastor of Godfirst church in Johannesburg, South Africa) about the Porn epidemic that is still running wild amongst Christians - and not just amongst men by the way. A couple summers ago I was speaking with a man who started and runs one of the largest Christian-based rehab centers for addicts of various kinds. He said the most surprising trend that no one knows about is that the majority of addicts amongst 18-22 y. olds are women and not men. I was floored by this revelation. Smyth addresses, in part, why this is the case.

Here are some of the quotes from the message that impacted me:

• "Every second, $3000 are spent on porn."
• "Porn is like trying to find out about a Beethoven symphony by listening to someone grunt a few bars."
• "Porn girls never say 'No.' So that imagery ruins proper relationships."
• "To Adam, Eve was perfect. She was his standard of beauty. Porn cuts that."
• "Sex in marriage is so important that the devil does everything to get us into bed before we are married and keep us out of bed when we are."
• "About 60% of the power of sin dissipates the moment you confess it to someone else."
• "The gospel and marriage teach us that I am way worse than I thought and way more loved than I thought."
• "Be a Churchill, not a Chamberlin."
• "Spending time in God's presence is one of the most underrated ways to deal with sin."

Dudes - Part I

This Saturday we're having our first ever churchwide Men's Breakfast. So I'm making it a goal this week to post a few thoughts each day regarding issues and biblical insight surrounding being a dude and exercising one's dude-ishness. Of course, it's already Wednesday and there's a good chance this will be my last post...oh well.


I was talking today with a member of our congregation who is also on the police force. We talked about the absence of husbands and fathers in Cayman. I wondered out loud:

Isn't it strange that most women fear yielding leadership to men and most men fear taking it on (and are more than happy to give it up).

As a husband and then, by association, a father the admonition is clear about the form that leadership is to take and why it's so scary:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).

Be honest guys: Was the scary part just then the vague spiritual responsibility or realizing Jesus while he lived in real flesh & in real time did everything to the point of death for the sake of the church (and then applying that to our marriages)?


John Benton calls men to be self-sacrificial initiative-takers in his helpful little book Gender Questions (and, No, as at least one of you has asked before the book is not for those questioning which gender they are...there are shorter & simpler illustrated books for that):

The word initiative could be linked to the word leadership. But I am unhappy about that word in some respects because it has become so debased by modern ideas of managers who 'sit up there and make decisions' and have nothing to do with what is happening 'on the ground'...Biblical leadership is more to do with the idea of a pioneer -- a person who says, "I go first, to take the risks, to make the way safe for others, to take the knocks."

Men, I suggest if we would make every effort, by the grace of God and clinging to Christ as both our help & our example, to be this type of leader, the women in our lives might be a little less afraid of yielding leadership and considerably more grateful that we are living out who we said we'd be when we uttered those wedding vows.

Call to Courageous Manhood - $2 through Oct 15

I'm excited that the first weekend of Dec (Dec 2-3) Sunrise Community Church will be hosting a Marriage Conference from FamilyLife Ministries called "The Art of Marriage."


In preparation for this, I came across this wonderful resource from author & relationship guru, Dennis Rainey. It's called Stepping Up: The Call to Courageous Manhood. 


In this book, Rainey examines the five stages of every man's life and the God-given opportunity as well as responsibility of each stage. I read the first few chapters already and it is outstanding. If you know a man & especially if this man owns a Kindle, iPad, or reads eBooks - consider getting him this book (a cheap Birthday present??) or send him the link to this post. See the trailer below for a better idea of what to expect.


Best part: The eBook version is only $2 through Oct 15. Here's the LINK.


If you don't have an iPad or Kindle, here are links to some free eBook software to read the book on your laptop. Microsoft Reader and also Stanza Desktop for Mac. 

Velvet Steel: The Best kind of Love on Valentine's Week

In a poem, Pastor John Piper once described his wife as: Velvet Steel. What a great description of a faithfully loving spouse, friend, or brother-sister in Christ.

I ran across the same description of a character in one of my favorite books - The Hammer of God by Bo Giertz. The protagonist, Savonius, is struggling with the idea of faith alone in Jesus for salvation. God sends an older, fellow pastor his way.

Now God had sent him another helper. But the help was the same. He felt as if he had stumbled against something eternal and unmovable, something at the innermost corse of existence, something that was at the same time hard as a rock and soft to the touch as the gentle hand of a mother.

YES! Immovable like a rock (faithful, true, honest...even brutally honest) yet a soft exterior like the hand of one's mother (patient, kind, for you, willing to sacrifice for your good).

Aren't these the kind of persons for whom you're most grateful in Your life? I can't help but think it's because they best model the "Velvet Steel" love of our Heavenly Father.